Poor Calvin Cheng

Hot on the heels of the first police report made against him, a second police report has been made. The second report was made by a certain Mr Nuh. Not much else is known about him. Mr Nuh felt that Calvin Cheng’s comments “unnecessary and (an) incitement of violence”. He added that “I feel that Calvin Cheng’s ideology or remarks are poisonous to Singapore society and such similar remarks (made) by others in future could be a justification to commit violence against certain ages, genders, races and religious groups.”

Poor Calvin Cheng. He’s so misunderstood. He wrote those comments about killing children (of ISIS members) as part of his style where he leads with a “seemingly provocative and outrageous statement, that on cooler analysis, actually represents a deeper argument that is founded on logic, if sometimes uncomfortable logic.” He was trying to get Singaporeans to engage in deeply profound philosophical discussion about the ISIS issue. Alas, it would seem that Singaporeans are too stupid to understand his very noble intention.

Here we have a upstanding member of Singaporean society (who the government deemed worthy of being a Nominated Member of Parliament and a member of the MLC), who had taken upon himself to try to raise our intellectual level, lead us to the light, into a glorious and wonderful future free from the ISIS scourge. We ought to be falling on our knees, prostrating in gratitude! But we didn’t. Instead, we lashed out at poor Calvin Cheng. We sent endless streams of emails to his staff, write to the Chairman of the Media Literacy Council (or MLC, where Calvin Cheng is a member), and even have the audacity to lodge police reports! How dare we? Singaporeans, how can we be such ingrates?

It’s all Amos Yee’s fault. If not for Amos shooting his mouth off and getting himself hauled up by the police for investigation, then it’s likely that no one would have bothered to make police reports against poor Calvin Cheng. But since Amos was hauled up for questioning by the police, some Singaporeans felt the irrepressible need to restore some balance and consistency to the order of the universe. And the only way to do that is to make police reports against Calvin Cheng.

Hopefully we will stop at two, and not the 32 reports that were made against Amos earlier this year. We are talking about police reports here. Not kids. So please. Stop at two. Don’t have more, even if you can afford it. Please. Tis the season to be jolly. If you want to make anything, make babies instead, not police reports. Unless you are someone like Calvin Cheng. If you are, then do us all a favour and have a ready stock of condoms with you.

And do give the poor policemen a break. They have other more important things to do. Like… actually going after real criminals. Or trying to find more evidence to properly charge and convict an alleged kingpin of global match-fixing.

Besides, let’s not be so idiotic. No matter how many police reports we lodge against poor Calvin Cheng, he won’t get into any trouble. He can justifiably claim that it was never his intention to incite any violence or hatred, or wound the feelings of any religion. In the eyes of the law, I don’t think poor Calvin Cheng’s statements count as threats to anyone. So folks, let’s not be idiotic.

But I can understand if some of you still feel pissed off by what Calvin Cheng said. I was. So stupid of me, right? I don’t understand the deep profound philosophical logic that Calvin Cheng was trying to educate us on. What recourse do stupid people like us have? Well, Singaporean playwright and poet Alfian Sa’at said this on his Facebook page:

“And as for Cheng, his fool-nobody ‘apology’ only inflamed matters. As one would recall, he tried to wade out of the pit filled by his own vomit by claiming that he was actually referring to ‘child soldiers’. The worst thing you can do with an apology is insinuate that those who took offence at your words were too stupid to understand them properly. I still think the best way to deal with socially-maladjusted, shock-jocking attention-seekers like Calvin Cheng is to avoid and ignore him. It is not only the smarter thing to do, but I sincerely believe it will make you smarter as well.”

But of course, Alfian Sa’at is another Singaporean who was deemed an idiot by Calvin Cheng. And since Calvin Cheng is the fount of all wisdom, the leading beacon of intellectual enlightenment in Singapore, surely everything he said must be right. And all who disagree with Calvin Cheng must be hopeless imbeciles.

So. Mr Calvin Cheng, I think Singapore owes you an apology. For being too idiotic to understand your very noble intentions and your very deeply wise counsel. To paraphrase what Jim Gordon said in “The Dark Knight”, we don’t deserve to have such a intellectual giant, bursting with wisdom, walking amongst us. But we need you. We are idiots, so we will continue to misunderstand you, insult you and even make police reports against you. But we know you can take it. Because you are not our hero. You are a vocal influencer of opinion. So don’t let these police reports deter you.

Because where else would we get such engaging and enriching entertainment? Mediacorp? Haha.

[Featured image: Picture of Calvin Cheng taken from allsingaporestuff.com]


2 thoughts on “Poor Calvin Cheng

  1. So mean… Why? Hasn’t MLC counseled him? Hasn’t he been punished enough? You should give this (..offensive..) know-it-all a chance to reflect and reform.

    Amos Yee…? He’s different! He’s not a ex-NMP and has not been fawning all over the G and insulting everyone who doesn’t agree with his POV by labelling them (.. read, me…) as idiots. Oh, not forgetting that our vaunted MLC has seen fit to shelter him against all the continuing idiotic, criticism and condemnation.

    This is enough to make me really upset…. and I’m a true blue 69.9%er.

    Liked by 1 person

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