We all know that if you want to get something done, you often need immense concentration. And so it is with trying to solve the problem of our declining birth rate. We need concentration. Concentrate all the singles into a single village. Or is that a village for singles? Or a single village of singles?
Whichever the case, that is what a certain Chua Boon Hou suggested in a letter that was published in the Straits Times Forum. He came to the conclusion that we need to build a singles’ village based on his observation that most of his friends found the love of their lives during university days, when they were staying in hostels.
And here I was thinking that university is about the enlightenment of the mind, and the pursuit of greater knowledge and understanding. It seems that I’m mistaken. According to Mr Chua, universities are a massive exercise in eugenics. Getting supposedly smart people to live in close proximity, letting their natural horniness run rampant. So now we know what hostel rooms are for. Studying? Bah. Sleeping? Nah… Unless it’s sleeping with… *nudge nudge wink wink*
But not everyone goes to university. And not everyone stays in hostels in universities.
That’s why, according to Mr Chua, we need to have singles’ villages.
According to Mr Chua, these villages must have very particular specifications. The rent must be affordable. But restricted to two years. The units must be small so that the residents don’t get too comfortable. All day-to-day activities (e.g. watching TV, laundry and presumably meals) are to be conducted in common spaces. I suppose showering too? That might help…
I would go further than Mr Chua and suggest that we don’t build a singles’ village. Let’s build a singles’ concentration camp. Concentrate all the singles into a camp. Make the perform hard labour until they get attached, married and have kids. And those who aren’t getting it on enough will be punished! Whip them! #NotChristianGrey
That may still not work. I know. But this certainly would. In this singles’ concentration camp, deny the campers all internet access (did I just hear you gasp in terror?). Until they get married and have at least two kids. Given how addicted youths are now to the internet, I’m sure that they would do anything to remove the pain of not having access to the internet. Including getting married and having kids.
With such a high concentration of singles, such strong incentives, sparks will surely fly! And before long, they’ll be getting hitched. Their labour of love will bear fruit. And lo behold! Singaporeans will be multiplying like bunnies!
What shall we call this singles’ concentration camp?
How about Camp Lebensborn. And we can start addressing our Prime Minister as mein Füher! Then not only can we aspire to get to SG100, we can proudly declare our aspiration for our dear
Reich Singapore to last a thousand years! Sieg Heil!